Why do you have to be such a dick sometimes? We love you more than any owner loves their cat, but you still persist on breaking into our neighbor’s house and terrorizing their stupid little white cat in the middle of the night, bringing shame on us. I know that white cats are silly and eating her food is like taking candy from a baby. But think about it Mo - only dicks take candy from babies! And the bringing of dead animals into the house has GOT TO STOP. I know that it’s possible you brought us that dead rat last night to apologize for picking a fight with that cat in our backyard yesterday, but SERIOUSLY. You can leave the rat on our front porch and we will be just as grateful for the “gift”. In fact, more grateful. Because the truth is, while you might enjoy the gift of a dead rat, we, in fact, do not. Particularly at 2:30am.