Friday, September 18, 2009

Sensei Culver teaches you what she's learned in the first 3 weeks

Edie will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. We've decided that when she hits one month, we'll try going on a short date just the two of us to celebrate having survived the first 4 weeks. For now, I'm reflecting back on some of the things I've learned since bringing E home.

1. When bottle feeding your infant, stop every minute or so and gauge whether she is full. Do not let her chug the entire bottle just because it's 3am and you're half asleep. This results in massive regurgitation. Like all over you. And the chair you're sitting in. And the floor. And your child's onesie. And their mullet.

2. When applying nipple cream, make sure to also use a breast pad so that the cream does not stain your bra and ruin your shirt.

3. Do not try on your pre-pregnancy clothes before one month post-birth. It will only depress you. Instead, leave your child with your husband for an hour, drive to Target and purchase 5 tee shirts in one size larger than normal and wear them with your maternity jeans and yoga pants. Instead of moping about not fitting into your pre-pregnancy shirts, revel in the fact that you can shop in the regular people's department now.

4. Be sure to have a small stereo in the room where you plan to nurse your child. Pre-program one station to pure static and place a chair next to in for "emergencies". Don't be afraid to turn up the volume higher than seems right. This has been one of the only sure-fire ways to calm Edie down when she's super fussy.

5. Buy more than one changing pad cover. In fact, buy more than 2. And make one light and one dark so that when laundry is done, one is always getting washed.

6. If you suspect a massively poopy diaper, be sure to tightly hold the baby's ankles and lift her legs and rump before opening the diaper to inspect. If you do not do this, she will immediately stick both feet in the poopy diaper the second you open it. Then you will still have to hold her ankles, but now they will be coated in poop.

7. Never wake a sleeping baby. It doesn't matter if you THINK they are hungry, just let them sleep. If they are hungry, trust me, they'll let you know. And do not feel the need to let everyone hold them if it means waking the baby up to do so. Seriously - if the baby is sleeping - don't touch her! Don't be tempted to wipe the goop out of her eye or fix her blanket or put a hat on her. Just LET HER BE.

8. Find a pediatrician that you love. Especially one that will be on-call for you 24 hours. I heart our pediatrician so much and I love knowing that I can call the operator at any time and the doctor will call me back within 10 minutes to tell me I'm overreacting.

9. Incorporate wine back into your life after birth. And if you didn't like wine before, develop a taste for it now. Even just a half glass with dinner every night will remind you that you love life (and your screaming baby). And I swear it's helping with my milk production although that may just be coincidence.

10. Don't forget that you are no longer pregnant - therefore Ibuprofen is your friend again. When your back hurts or your arms feel like they're going to fall off from bopping your baby all day, you no longer have to settle for a crap Tylenol, take an Ibuprofen.

And now because you've been very patient, I've included two new random pics of Eeds for your viewing pleasure.

Check out those neck rolls. Jeff says she's like a Sharpei.


Marcia said...

Jill, your sense of humor will carry you through A LOT! Tears are welling up in my eyes, I'm laughing so much at this post. Thanks for making my day. You are a MARVELOUS mom!
with much love to you and EDB,

Tib said...

#7... for REAL, as in for shizzle. I mean seriously don't ever. gawd help the people who do.

heidio said...

I love this post. You could publish it and save some people A LOT of heartache. So funny.