Dear Edie,

Today you are one month old. Your favorite thing to do is eat, but you also love to slap yourself in the face, take baths, and bounce on the exercise ball. You hate getting dressed, waiting longer than 30 seconds for dinner, and being moved while sleeping. You are turning into quite the bruiser and weighed in at 9lbs and 4oz at your one month check up this week. You'd also grown over 2 inches since birth and are now 22 1/2 inches long (95th percentile! You must take after your Dad). Neither of us were surprised by your growth as you tend to eat at least 5 more ounces of food per day than what our baby book says is average for your size.

I try to spend some time every day with you naked (you are naked, not me) on your blankets (and a towel under your rump) and you stare up at me wide eyed and excited while I peddle your legs and rub you down with lotion. Your Dad likes to spend a few minutes of tummy time with you in the evenings and you are very focused on your blanket while kicking your frog legs and trying to twist your head left and right. I walk you in your Ergo carrier every day (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day) and while you whimper while being strapped in, you always fall asleep within a few blocks of the house, wheezing and snorting to the pattern of my steps. One of my favorite things is when you're soundly sleeping and you take a deep breath and let it out in a big, dramatic sigh.

You've acquired many nicknames from your father, but my favorites are The Moody Burrito (because wrapped in your swaddle, you look like a burrito. And you are moody.) and The Little Beast. He refers to your bassinet as your cage ("I put The Little Beast down in her cage for a nap.") and when you make your hungry faces, he asks you, "Is it feeding time at the Zoo?" We also call you Toots sometimes as you have proven to be a champion farter. You also burp like an old man who just polished off a brewski and very few things crack us up more than when you burp and fart at the same time.

We are both convinced that you are going to be a fiercely independent girl and I've been told by my Mother that the same was obvious of me as a baby. We are anxiously awaiting your first smile and I'm not sure who is more looking forward to you holding your own head up for more than a few seconds at a time - you or us. Sometimes you tire us out with your occasional bed time crying jags, but as I said to your Dad the other night while you were winding up for a cry, "This is hard now, but before we know it, she'll be two and we'll be walking on the beach at Orcas holding hands with her; flipping over rocks to find crabs together."

I remember that the pediatrician at the hospital came to check you out before we could be discharged and bring you home. When we asked her if everything was okay, all she said was, "She's perfect". Maybe she says that to every couple, but it certainly is true with you.

xoxo,

Mom

Behold

The mullet:

And just to be fair to Edie, a more flattering photo of her doing her favorite thing:

We had our first date night since Edie was born tonight. Jeff's aunt and uncle who live in Seattle suggested that they take her for an hour or two so that we could get out and we thought that would be a nice way to celebrate having survived the first month without dropping or starving our daughter. We suited her up and she slept peacefully the entire 30 minute drive to Madison Park (rush hour). I kept thinking, "This is time that she could be napping while at Ted and Carolyn's house!" After reviewing the bottle and diaper situation, we practically jogged for Cactus, the nearby restaurant of choice for date night. It felt SO odd to both be out and know that Edie was with someone else. Truthfully I was more worried about her flipping out and stressing T&C out than I was about them not taking good care of her. We enjoyed a glass of wine each and had a nice dinner with plenty of adult conversation (much of it not even about Edie). It was different from the short solo outings I've had where I leave E with Jeff, this felt like a much bigger deal and by the time it was over I was embarrassingly desperate to see her again. We walked back in the door and she was still sleeping in her car seat! All that worry for nothing as she apparently behaved beautifully. Of course as I type this, she's fussing with Jeff downstairs, so I guess it's all a trade off. I got to have a lovely dinner out, but will likely have a crap night tonight. Oh well, at least I have First Weeks to commiserate with other tired Moms tomorrow. Truthfully though, Edie's sleep schedule has gotten better, or at least slightly more predictable this last week. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or not, but we started giving her Gripe Water around 8pm each night and her night time fussiness has definitely decreased and getting her to sleep is much less of a production.

Alright, off to relieve Jeff and take my shift with the exercise ball.

Hi Zipper, long time no see

I love shopping. It's such a cliche, but I do. Aside from the accidental glimpse of my underwear-clad behind in the changing mirror and parting with my money at check-out, I love everything else about shopping. Shopping while pregnant was pretty fun when I was 5 and 6 months pregnant and had a cute baby bump, but around 7 months, things got way less entertaining. Suddenly, I was completely limited to one or two stores and PS why are almost all maternity clothes these days in solid colors? It's like they think that pregnant women have no interest in patterns (or fabrics other than jersey for that matter). I more or less stopped shopping and started sporting the yes-I've-worn-this-outfit-everyday-this-week-what-are-you-looking-at? look.

All of this is to say that today, I went shopping. Jeff and I made a plan for today that he would take Edie from 10:30-2:30 and I would take her from 2:30-6:30. At first, I thought about hanging around the house and cleaning, but it suddenly dawned on me that I was desperate to not wear my elastic waist jeans. I wanted REAL jeans. And yes, I have about 5 pairs of super cute (and not cheap) pre-pregnancy jeans, but dude, those jeans are not fitting any day this week and how long post-pregnancy is it appropriate to only wear elastic waist pants? I decided to invest in one or two nice pairs of pants that make me feel human again until I can squeeze myself back into my old pants.

Hanyvays. Today, I went to the mall and I wandered through all the old shops that I used to like to go to and I tried on my first pair of pants with zippers and buttons in about 8 months. Maybe 9. And while I am not terribly in love with my current size, it felt GOOD. My friend Heidi joined me for moral support and we even had time for a grown-up lunch in a restaurant where I ate with two hands and didn't feel panicked about eating as fast as possible in case Edie started crying midway through and I had to go 2 more hours before eating the other half.

And perhaps the best part of my 4 hour hiatus from full-time Motherhood? I actually had time to miss Edie. I walked back in the front door at 2:30 and haven't really taken my eyes off her since.

The letter you've been waiting 30 years to receive

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for not leaving me on a church doorstep when I was screaming for 3 hour straight as a newborn, thank you for rocking me until your arms hurt (and then some), thank you for probably falling asleep in a seated position on the couch instead of horizontal in the bed because that's where *I* fell asleep on your chest and you couldn't bear to wake me for fear that I would never fall back asleep again, and thank you for getting up in the middle of the night, over and over, to feed me, change me and shush me.

love,

Jill

SAHM

Being a stay at home Mom, even just temporarily, is such a shift. The neighborhood is so quiet when I walk with Edie in her Ergo two or three times a day. Except of course when we pass one of the two neighborhood coffee shops, which are exploding with other parents and their kids. I've started viewing the day in 2-3 hour chunks. This chunk, we'll walk and nap, then the next one we'll feed and fuss, then the next one we'll go to Mom's group... etc... basically trying to keep her from screaming until Jeff comes home to relieve me for a bit.

Today, Edie is pretending to be the perfect baby and I'm learning to just enjoy these moments rather than hope that she's establishing some sort of pattern. Two nights ago, she literally woke up every single hour on the hour from midnight to 6am to eat and cry. And after eating at 6am, she just decided to wake up for the day rather than go back down for another snooze. It was exhausting. I almost didn't go to my Mom's group again out of fatigue, but Jeff (like last week) encouraged me to go. And again, I'm glad I went.

It was almost an entirely new group of Moms from last week, but one of the two women I talked with the previous week was there and we sat together. Her daughter is only a week older than E, so we compared benchmarks and chatted a bit. This week, at least 2 other women talked about their low milk supply and issues with breastfeeding. I've definitely chilled out quite a bit about this issue, but it was still so nice to hear that I wasn't the only one with the same issues. After the class I asked one of the women for her info and told her that if she wanted to get together or talk ever, to call. She actually already emailed me and a few other women from the group and it looks like we're getting together to walk around Greenlake tomorrow morning. I'm also talking to the other two women from last week about going to a Mom's movie matinee thing next week. It's nice to have activities with other Moms to fill the days.

Perhaps the best discovery from the group yesterday though was that Edie LOVES to bounce with me on the exercise ball (they have a slew of baby gear at the meeting for any of the Mom's to use, including exercise balls, boppies, etc). Last night, I had Jeff blow the ball up that we used during labor and it's working like a charm today. Every time E gets fussy, I hold her and bounce vigorously on the ball and she calms right down. Much better than the rocking chair and less exhausting than pacing the hallway. Last week, she loved radio static, but this week appears to be all about the exercise ball.

After her hellish night two nights ago, I was bracing myself last night for another rough one. But instead Edie fell asleep at 11:30pm and didn't wake up again until 3:20. And even then, she just took a bottle and fell back asleep after 10 minutes of bouncing on the ball with me. We curled back up for another snooze and she didn't wake again until 7am. And as if that wasn't enough of a treat, she literally hasn't cried once today (yet). We walked up to the video store together this morning and I rented Sunshine Cleaning (loved). We watched the first 30 minutes together while I bounced on the ball (she was still strapped into the Ergo) and I was actually able to eat a snack. Then the next 30 minutes were spent quietly breastfeeding and after that she passed-out on my chest all cute and cuddly while I finished the movie. Last week she hated snuggling on my chest, but this week, she's all about it.

I'm learning that every day is very different from the previous. There are no patterns yet and I'm getting better at rolling with that. I'm fully aware that her charming behavior today probably predicts a hellish night tonight, but instead of dreading that, I'm just appreciating the peace I have right now as she snorts, grunts and farts in her sleep right next to me with the laptop. I'm already looking forward to her waking up soon so I can breastfeed for a bit, top her off with a bottle and then plop her back in the Ergo to return the movie and maybe stop into one of the nearby coffee shops for a cookie to eat on the walk back home. Maybe I'll reread this post at 3am tonight when she's wailing and decides to hate the exercise ball...

Wednesday, September I Don't Know What

We've switched our schedule around so that Jeff can get some actual work done which means I'm almost a full time Mom solo-style - hence the shorter, less thoughtful post.

Conversations over the last 24 hours:

#1
Me: This fucking Boppy is too big for me to use on the couch!
Jeff: Hm
Me: At what point do you think I should stop swearing in front of our child?
Jeff: Probably right before she starts repeating it back to you.
Me: So I've got a little longer?

#2
In which I catch Jeff rubbing Edie's belly in a very weird, light, but vigorous fashion while she stares at him confusedly
Me: What are you doing??
Jeff: I figure if I can't get her to be happy, I'll can at least keep her confused until she figures out how to be better behaved.

Ooof

It's been a rough 24 hours around here. Two nights ago, Jeff and I brought back some semblance of normalcy around the house by renting a video from up the street. We started by renting the first disc in the TV series of In Treatment. We figured this meant only a 30 minute commitment, which was hopefully realistic with Edie's sleep "schedule". That first night, Edie fell asleep attached to the boob, comfortably balanced on her Boppy, so we happily watched all four episodes on the disc in one sitting. It was nice to do something that we used to do, but to also be able to look down and see E sleeping peacefully. This experience got our hopes up, so we rented the next disc last night and started watching the first episode while Edie took a bottle. Well, the second she finished the bottle she flipped her shit. And continued flipping it off and on in 10 minute intervals for about 3 hours. At first, we would just pause the video long enough to sooth Edie and then try to start it back up again. But after 2 or 3 cycles of this, we gave up on the video entirely and focused on not flipping our own shit while shushing and jiggling the baby. When she FINALLY calmed down (about 3 hours later) we put her down in her bassinet and hugged each other. It literally felt like we'd just come out of a war and while we may not have won, we at least survived.

When Edie is crying fromgas pains and just can't seem to be soothed, I get panicky. My stomach hurts and it's hard to listen to; I'm torn between walking away so as not to hear it and needing to stand as close as possible to the chaos to try and make it better. It's funny, because when this is happening, I tend to think things like, "No baby should cry like this. Something is WRONG." or "This can't be right, there must be something we can DO." When I'm in it, it feels like no other baby cries like she does. But then this afternoon, when she started getting fussy, I popped her into the Ergo carrier and walked around the neighborhood and she fell right asleep, wheezing and sighing to the beat of my stride. While walking around, I thought of all the times my parents have talked about my Dad swinging me in his arms for so long that people told him he'd start to look like a monkey, with extended arms from his efforts. I remembered being told about couples putting babies on the clothes dryer and of parents driving around town for hours on end in the middle of the night to keep their babies from crying. And while this may seem immediately obvious to others, it suddenly dawned on me that they would only resort to those types of measures if their babies were crying like Edie was last night. Logic follows that perhaps all babies just flip their shit sometimes and sometimes it's hard to calm them down. This reassured me greatly.

PS: In Edie's defense, she is currently sleeping on the bed next to me like a complete angel (except I'm not sure angels fire off such ferocious farts while sleeping). We took two really long walks in the Ergo today and I'm thinking this may be the only way I lose the rest of this baby weight - out of pure desperation to keep her sleeping.

Us, right now.

Me strapping her in for our first walk yesterday.

Yesterday's afternoon nap (pre-flip-out).

Like her Mother, she likes THREE pillows.

Family nap time.

My little hipster. Eventually, I had to take the knee highs off as her calves were too fat for them and they were leaving indents in her flesh.

The Aisle of Shame

Well, it would appear that Edie and I have come down with a case of Thrush. Thrush may sound like some awesome hair band from the 80's, but it's actually a bacterial infection that infants get in their mouths and then lovingly give to their Mothers nipples via breast feeding. And yes, I'm still attempting to breast feed. And I'm pretty sure I deserve a medal for perseverance, because this has been no easy row to hoe.

My milk production is still paltry, but has increased some since I last posted here. In fact, over the last few days, Edie and I had just started to get into some sort of routine with feedings. Things seemed to be improving just enough. She would take my breast, and actually nurse for 20-40 minutes without seeming pissed by my minimal supply. And when she would pull away or accidentally come off, I would check to find that I still seemed to have plenty of milk. A few times, she even rejected the bottle after finishing a 40 minute nursing session, which I took to mean she got enough from me. This was definitely a new thing and had just begun when I noticed that her tongue was suspiciously yellow. And then my boobs started burning after nursing. And then last night, she rejected my boob in rage after just a suck or two, but accepted the bottle gratefully. This did bad things to my delicate boob-ego. So I looked up "yellow tongue" in our baby book and bingo - Thrush to a tee. I called our pediatrician this morning and he called in some antibiotic drops for Edie and gave me the name of something to pick up over the counter for myself. If we don't both get treated, we'll just keep passing it back and forth.

So I left E with Jeff at home and ran to Bartells to pick up the drugs and some more diapers. And this is where I was made to walk The Aisle of Shame. Thankfully I have never had occasion to walk this aisle previously, but post-partum has changed that. I walked up to the pharmacy counter and asked them where I could pick up this cream that my doctor had spelled to me over the phone this morning. Something long and medical sounding, starting with a C... She politely pointed to aisle 30A and said, "Oh yes, you'll find that in the foot care section. It's an antifungal foot cream and you'll want to rub it on your nipples after each nursing session." Um, what? Are you telling me I have Athletes Boob? So embarrassing.

And while roaming that aisle looking for my boob-mold cream, I figured, what the hell, I might as well pick up some more stool softeners - also conveniently found in aisle 30A. Because the thing is, things in the bathroom department have finally returned to normal and my fear of tearing stitches has finally faded. BUT, the hospital said that when I got to that point, I was supposed to start taking my prenatal vitamins again. And guess what prenatal vitamins do?! Constipate you. I swear, pregnancy is just one giant conspiracy by the makers of stool softener to stay in business. Also worth noting - while I no longer need them, if I *had*, I could have swung around in that very same aisle after picking up my Lotrimin and Stool Softener and picked up a new pack of Tucks pads.

Why do they have to put everything gross and embarrassing in the same aisle? And when will I stop needing to buy so many gross and embarrassing products at the pharmacy??

Sensei Culver teaches you what she's learned in the first 3 weeks

Edie will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. We've decided that when she hits one month, we'll try going on a short date just the two of us to celebrate having survived the first 4 weeks. For now, I'm reflecting back on some of the things I've learned since bringing E home.

1. When bottle feeding your infant, stop every minute or so and gauge whether she is full. Do not let her chug the entire bottle just because it's 3am and you're half asleep. This results in massive regurgitation. Like all over you. And the chair you're sitting in. And the floor. And your child's onesie. And their mullet.

2. When applying nipple cream, make sure to also use a breast pad so that the cream does not stain your bra and ruin your shirt.

3. Do not try on your pre-pregnancy clothes before one month post-birth. It will only depress you. Instead, leave your child with your husband for an hour, drive to Target and purchase 5 tee shirts in one size larger than normal and wear them with your maternity jeans and yoga pants. Instead of moping about not fitting into your pre-pregnancy shirts, revel in the fact that you can shop in the regular people's department now.

4. Be sure to have a small stereo in the room where you plan to nurse your child. Pre-program one station to pure static and place a chair next to in for "emergencies". Don't be afraid to turn up the volume higher than seems right. This has been one of the only sure-fire ways to calm Edie down when she's super fussy.

5. Buy more than one changing pad cover. In fact, buy more than 2. And make one light and one dark so that when laundry is done, one is always getting washed.

6. If you suspect a massively poopy diaper, be sure to tightly hold the baby's ankles and lift her legs and rump before opening the diaper to inspect. If you do not do this, she will immediately stick both feet in the poopy diaper the second you open it. Then you will still have to hold her ankles, but now they will be coated in poop.

7. Never wake a sleeping baby. It doesn't matter if you THINK they are hungry, just let them sleep. If they are hungry, trust me, they'll let you know. And do not feel the need to let everyone hold them if it means waking the baby up to do so. Seriously - if the baby is sleeping - don't touch her! Don't be tempted to wipe the goop out of her eye or fix her blanket or put a hat on her. Just LET HER BE.

8. Find a pediatrician that you love. Especially one that will be on-call for you 24 hours. I heart our pediatrician so much and I love knowing that I can call the operator at any time and the doctor will call me back within 10 minutes to tell me I'm overreacting.

9. Incorporate wine back into your life after birth. And if you didn't like wine before, develop a taste for it now. Even just a half glass with dinner every night will remind you that you love life (and your screaming baby). And I swear it's helping with my milk production although that may just be coincidence.

10. Don't forget that you are no longer pregnant - therefore Ibuprofen is your friend again. When your back hurts or your arms feel like they're going to fall off from bopping your baby all day, you no longer have to settle for a crap Tylenol, take an Ibuprofen.

And now because you've been very patient, I've included two new random pics of Eeds for your viewing pleasure.

Check out those neck rolls. Jeff says she's like a Sharpei.

A Post in Which I Keep it Real about Poop

Totally hypothetical question - Let's say you're home alone with your 2 week old baby. She's flipping out a little and is clearly starving. You put her to your breast and she practically snarls as she latches on with a vengeance unbecoming of one so tiny and cute. She's sucking happily away when suddenly, you're overcome with the need to poop.

Sidebar for some background information: Let's also say that child birth has left you a little stitched up and backed up. Pooping is no longer a right, it's a privilege. When the need strikes, you need to take advantage or BAD THINGS could happen.

SO. What do you do? Is it possible that you might just walk to the bathroom with her still attached to the breast, pull your (thankfully elastic-waist) pants down with one hand while holding the baby to the boob with other, sit down, and poop while your daughter continues to eat lunch?

Just curious.

First Weeks

Every Tuesday and Wednesday, a local store called Birth and Beyond holds a support group for new parents called First Weeks. It's a drop-in type of class for parents with babies under 12 weeks of age. I tried to go to the Tuesday group yesterday, but just couldn't get my act together in time for the noon start. I often have to wake Edie up in the night to feed, as she would otherwise sleep more than 4 hours without food, but two nights ago, she must have been going through a growth spurt because she fussed promptly every 2 hours all throughout the night and ate a full "meal" each time. As a result, the following morning was nap time, not get up and go time. But last night the Eedster had a pretty good sleep schedule so I decided to take my first big outing with her by myself and went to First Weeks today.

The group is 2 hours long and starts at noon, so of course Edie decided to flip out and go on a crying jag at 11am. I panicked and almost backed out. I was scared everyone would have charming babies and mine would be the only a-hole screaming the entire two hours. I was also scared that she'd get hungry and I'd try to breastfeed in front of all those people and oh god, the list of fears went on. But Jeff told me I was being an idiot and so I loaded her up with a diaper bag full of clean clothes, zip locks, Safeway sacks, and all sorts of other baby loot and we headed out. Thankfully, the car ride knocked her out and she kept quiet while I checked in and found a seat. Right away, I realized my fears were stupid as there were about 15-20 other Moms (and one brave Dad!) and half of them had babies that were already flipping out. Edie pretended that she was the perfect baby and slept contentedly in her car seat. To be completely honest, she did freak out briefly about an hour and a half into the group, but shockingly I was able to shush her into a calm, make up a bottle and feed her back to sleep.

The group was GREAT. I can't stress how happy I am that I went. It's an open forum lead by a nurse and lactation expert and everyone just basically voices their fears and insecurities and then the nurse tells them they're normal and asks the group to raise their hand if they've had the same fear or insecurity (at least half the group did, every time). I talked about my problems with breastfeeding/milk supply and while no one offered up that they were struggling in the same manner, everyone was nice. One woman broke down in tears and said it had been a rough week while her baby wailed inconsolably. Many women talked about how crap their husbands were with the baby and how the second the baby cried, they handed the baby right back to the Mom. One woman said her husband was about to start staying home one day per week while she went back to work and she was terrified of leaving him alone with her. This made me realize that everyone has their issues and mine is apparently breast feeding. I feel so lucky that I can hand Edie off to Jeff without a second thought. I know I could leave them alone for an entire day and wouldn't worry one bit about his ability to cope. They're buds. In fact, I can hear him changing her diaper upstairs right now and cooing to her, "Yes, you're gross - its true" right now and it's making me giggle.

The best part of the class though was probably the very end when everyone was getting up to leave. One of the women approached me and told me that her 4 week old son was adopted so she's not able to breast feed. She confessed to feeling guilty about not being able to offer him breast milk and generally seemed very cool. We bonded about fearing that we'd have sickly, dumb babies as a result of formula and laughed about it together. She lives not far from us and introduced me to her friend in the class who also has a 4 week old baby named Zoey. At the end of the class, they give you a list of everyone who was there along with their contact info. When I said goodbye to the two new Moms I'd met, they asked if I'd come back next Tuesday or Wednesday. They seemed genuinely interested in making sure we stayed in the same group so I'm hopeful I'll see them again next week. I may even email them at some point to see about walking around Greenlake or something.

Oh, and they also have a baby scale at the group meeting that you can use to weigh your baby if you want. I plopped Edie down hoping she was maybe back up to her birth weight of 8lb 2oz but she weighed in at a whopping 8lbs and 11.5oz! She'll be outgrowing her newborn diapers before we know it. After I took Edie off the scale, this woman put her creepy looking 10 week old down on the scale and she only weighed 8.5 pounds! And yes, I know it's rude to say someone's baby is creepy, but dude. This baby WAS creepy.

On the drive home, I felt exhausted but more like myself than I have in days. Getting out of the house and doing things on my own with Edie was great. It reminded me that things are going to get easier. I hope to sit down soon and make a list of baby-friendly activities the two of us can do together during the day. Next on my list to try is a matinee in Bellevue, where I hear they do movies just for parents and infants. Apparently they leave the lights up a bit and the sound down and Mothers are welcome to whip their boobs out in public for feeding while Dads bop their babies up and down the aisles.

A Few New Pics

Maxin' and relaxin' on the bed with me.

We cracked up for like an hour about this. She looks like a lazy fat man drinking a brewski.


Her first submersion bath. She actually enjoyed it.

Bundled up post-bath.

Enjoying her quilt from Etsy.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Edie screamed almost constantly for the first 7 hours of her life. I remember Jeff sitting on the fold-out bed in my post-partum room while we both watched the nurses try to console our new daughter. At one point I'm pretty sure I even saw one of the nurses look a little nervous about how inconsolable she was. Jeff and I made eye contact across the room and silently communicated to each other - "Holy shit, what have we gotten ourselves into?" I saw my naked terror reflected back at me from Jeff's eyes. Then at 3am a new nurse came in to take Edie's vitals. After sticking a thermometer in her armpit while she wailed like a banshee, the nurse left the room and came back carrying two heated blankets. She proceeded to swaddle our daughter so tightly it almost looked painful. She swaddled her once and then again in the second warm blanket. Edie instantly went from frantic to completely silent. It was then that we learned the magic of the swaddle. The nurse handed her to me and I was finally able to spend an hour just looking at her cherubic little face while Jeff slept. It was during this time that I went from fearing my daughter to falling completely in love with her.

Over this last weekend, we switched Edie's formula twice. On Saturday night she produced the smelliest, most explosive mess in her diaper that the entire upstairs reeked and Jeff had to start laundry at 2am just to ensure that we didn't asphyxiate in the night from the stink of the changing pad cover. She then went on a poop-strike that lasted until about 2 hours ago. The low grade panic that this poop-strike caused in me motivated an early morning call to the pediatrician and much nail biting guilt over having switched her formula too many times. We had our friends Jenn and Andy over for dinner tonight (they brought dinner). They have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and I was a little worried about how Edie might handle the chaos, but it went swimmingly. With all those bodies all over our little house, it felt like Family with a capital F. Andy wanted to hold Edie so I passed her off, only worrying a little that she might start shrieking. But instead she enjoyed herself so much that she proceeded to fill her diaper with another giant stink bomb. The relief I felt while wiping her butt with the 20th wipe was palpable. She isn't going to implode from poop-build up! I didn't wreck her!

Last night, we all laid down for a "family nap" at 7:15pm. Edie decided she only wanted a 10 minute nap and since Jeff seemed more spent than me, I got up with her thinking all she needed was a feeding and then we'd head back to bed. But that feeding deteriorated into a 2 hour off-and-on cry-fest. I finally lost it at 9pm and woke Jeff up by croaking, "Please wake up, I need your help." Then I burst into tears. I hiccuped and sobbed while jostling our daughter so as to keep her from screaming bloody murder. I confessed to a moment of panic while he was napping - what happened to our quiet existence with Maurice? It's too late to get that back! I'm a horrible Mother for thinking this! Luckily, instead of looking at me in horror, Jeff confessed to the occasional similar fear, typically during hour two of an Edie-meltdown. We are both completely smitten with Edie, but there are moments when this small creature is screaming despite having just been fed, changed and rested, jostled, shushed and sung to and you just can't help but think oh God, what have I done? Then this afternoon, after spending the entire day without screaming, I put on a mixed CD that Kristin made Edie and the two of us had a dance party to Alexi Murdoch and then rocked out to Stevie Wonder. She stared at me wide-eyed while we danced around her nursery and I could swear she recognized me as her Mom. It was fantastic.

I'm always such an emotionally stable person, but wow. This life change has shaken that up entirely. I've probably cried in front of no less than 10 people in the last 15 days, including the lactation consultant over the phone! I cried in front of our pediatrician when he asked about breast feeding, I cried to my Mom about my boobs, I've cried tears of gratitude and wonder when I think of how good Jeff's been to me, I've cried when looking at Maurice and worried that he's going to leave us for a family that doesn't have a screaming baby, and the other night I cried when just watching Edie sleep. When Jeff caught me doing that and looked at me questioningly, all I could say was, "She'll never be this small again."

All of this is not to have you worry about my mental health. I'm not worried. I'm just putting it out there to say that this experience has been a massive emotional roller coaster. And I suspect it will continue to be for years to come. I've always been incredibly uncomfortable being emotionally vulnerable with anyone but Jeff. My nickname with my closest friends is Heart of Stone for God's sake. But Motherhood is changing all that.

Top 10 Reasons Why It's Awesome NOT Being Pregnant

1. My hip feels almost 100% better. Immediately after birth, even as the nurse helped me hobble to the bathroom for my first post-birth pee (a big event in the hospital I tell you), I noticed that my hip didn't hurt. It wasn't completely better, but the difference was remarkable. Apparently having an 8+ pound baby pressed into my pelvis didn't agree with my hip too much. Today we strolled around the neighborhood and I appreciated every carefree step I took.

2. I can clip my own toenails. Yes sir. I did it today.

3. Not having to pee every 10 minutes. And having more than a few sad drops leave my body each time.

4. Sleeping on my back. Can't stress enough how much I missed that.

5. Not sure if I ever mentioned this, but for the last 5 months of my pregnancy, I developed a small, but weird rash on my right hip. The doctor tried to kill it with all sorts of natural remedies and finally we even resorted to an antibacterial type cream. Nothing worked. My doctor and I started jokingly referring to it as The Rash That Never Dies. Well, within 48 hours of giving birth, it disappeared.

6. Watching the number on the scale get smaller rather than larger = better.

7. No more wondering and fearing what labor will be like. It's over!

8. While I might be sleeping less (although only slightly, as my hip pain had been waking me in the night for months), the quality of my sleep is already better.

9. Bending over to pick things up on my own!

10. I now have three outfits that fit me, rather than just my Old Navy roll down jersey skirt. I wore that skirt every day for the last 2 weeks. I never want to see it again.

Big News in the Bruton family

My brother just called from Hawaii and he's engaged!  It would appear that when I mentioned "Auntie Em" in my last post, it was a premonition as Emily will really be Aunt Emily to Edie in a matter of time.  Very exciting!!  

In other (slightly less exciting) news, we got a new laptop today!  Previously, we've only had the desktop Mac, no laptop, so this is great with Jeff working from home and me on maternity leave.  I'm writing this from the new laptop and as a result, I don't have access to our photo library.  If I did, I'd post a picture of Scott and Emily for your viewing pleasure.  

September 12th, 2009

Raise your hand if you decided to let Mom and Dad sleep last night!

Edie gave us a night off and went to sleep at 11:30pm last night. Not only that, but she didn't wake up again until 3:30am! And even at 3:30, she just took a small bottle and zonked back out without a fuss. She then proceeded to sleep until 7am. She had a minor flip-out at 7:30am, but eventually fell back asleep propped up in her boppy in the bed with us and we all napped from 8 until 9:30am this morning. From all of the Culvers (Maurice included), thank you Edie. And from Edie, thank you Auntie Em (my brother's girlfriend Emily) for the adorable sleep suit seen in the pic above.

It's funny, because in our breastfeeding class, they went on and on about how much better the breast is than formula and I specifically remember there being a check list of sorts and then it rated whether the breast or the bottle won each point on the list. For example - higher IQ (breast wins), better immune system (breast wins), cheaper (breast wins)... blah blah. In the end, formula/bottle only won one point, where the breast had won all the others. Well, I've come up with a few items they forgot to put on the list:

Sleeps longer after feedings - bottle wins
Nipples don't feel like they're going to fall off - bottle wins
No exposing self in public to feed - bottle wins
Feedings take half the time - bottle wins
Baby poops less - bottle wins

I could go on, but I won't. I'm still pumping every 3 hours and giving Edie the milk I produce, but my supply hasn't really increased, so it's definitely necessary to supplement with the bottle. I've been on the Fenugreek for a week now, and despite smelling like Ihop, I'm still only able to pump one ounce per feeding (she likes to eat about 3 ounces per feeding). The nurse at our pediatrician's office was great and assured me that even with this small amount from me, she's getting all the good stuff. Edie is obviously bulking up, very few of her newborn sized clothes fit anymore and she's only 13 days old today! I know our home scale isn't precise, but yesterday I got on while holding her and then without and it says she weights 8.5 pounds! She's turning into quite the chubby monkey. Jeff has nicknamed her "the little beast" because of what a hungry hippo she is. I don't really feel that I'm missing out on a great bonding experience by not putting Edie to the breast right now. We spend all day together and I sing to her, bop her constantly, we nap together and spend time chest to chest when we can (although she is not a fan of laying on her stomach and fights to hold her head up the entire time). About once a day, I'll put her to the breast to see if she's interested, and she takes it right away, so I figure if my supply miraculously comes in this week, she'll come back to the boob without much coaxing. We're sort of playing things by ear around here as to whether/when we transition full time to formula. Right now, the doctor has recommended we switch to a lactose free formula and I've started cutting out my dairy to see if that reduces her gas pains. Betsey's formula swap suggestion is also intriguing, so I'll look into that.

Breaking News

The police called this afternoon and they found our car! Jeff went to pick it up just now and aside from a missing car seat, it appears to be fine. It was found in a private parking garage only a half mile or so from the hospital on capitol hill. And yes Mom, he brought wet wipes and wiped the car down before touching the handle and steering wheel.

September 11, 2009

Well. Sleep deprivation has officially set in. We were obviously spoiled in the first week because Edie has decided to stop with the awesome sleeping. The past few nights have been rough, but I assume no rougher than the usual first parents' early days with a newborn? It's so hard to know what's normal with babies when you've never had one before.

Edie has quite a bit of gas, which Jeff and I both find pretty entertaining. She's earned the nicknames Gassy McSassy and Toots around the house. The problem is that some of the gas seems to cause her pain. She strains and arches her back while whimpering or crying for a minute and then a toot will fly out and she'll calm right back down. When she's unsuccessful at excavating that toot, she flips out a little. Oh, and she's started a nightly habit of barfing up half her dinner around bedtime (usually a full hour or so after eating). Which of course freaks me out, because she'll just be laying there sleeping and then all of a sudden she's gagging and I'm envisioning her choking on her vomit a la Janis Joplin while I rush to her side to get her upright so she can spit up all over my pajamas. Then the barfing freaks her out and she's inconsolable for about an hour. Like I said, rough.

Last night we did the whimper-toot-cry-barf-cry-scream-dance from 11:30pm until about 1:45am. During this time, all of the Happiest Baby on the Block tricks were pulled out, all of which would work for a few minutes, but that was all. The one trick from HBotB that she consistently seems to like is rocking out to radio station 87.5. 87.5 is complete static and she likes to listen to it loud. Last night we finally put the clock radio on 87.5 right next to her co-sleeper and we all passed out around 1:45am with this going. Ironically, she then proceeded to sleep like a champ from 2am until 6am, at which time she fed without fuss and then fell back asleep pretty painlessly and slept again until 10am. Last night I was sure she had acid reflux, but now after such a good night and morning, I'm left wondering if I was just overreacting. To call the pediatrician or not to call, that is the question. I have a feeling I'm going to be asking that question a lot this first month or so.

Photo Catch-UP

A few photos from the past couple of days, including Edie's first walk in her stroller (we just walked around the neighborhood). We have a much more adorable stroller (thanks Lindsey for the hook up!) but for now, we're using this cheapy version that's super lightweight and allows us to have her facing us. We figure once she's a little older, we'll move to the trendy three-wheeler.





We had a bit of a rough night last night as Edie decided to mix it up. She's usually a great sleeper and falls back asleep almost immediately following each feeding so we get three 2.5-3 hour chunks of sleep per night. But last night we were up from 4-6:30am trying to get her to settle down. She wasn't hysterical, but she got the hiccups for 30 minutes and then was fussy every time I'd set her down. That coupled with my inability to get her to use the fancy new breast feeding device with the ease that the lactation expert was, was pretty exhausting. I woke with a new sense of peace at the idea that breast feeding may just not work. Your supportive comments actually really helped too. Today, I decided to give myself a break and have pumped instead of putting her to the breast. The pumping is significantly less painful, and at least then I can still offer her my paltry supply through a bottle before topping her off with formula. The directions on the Funagreek I'm taking to supposedly increase my supply say that it's working when you start to smell like maple syrup. Well, I am like a walking stack of pancakes right now but the supply has not increased one iota. I'll keep it up for another week or so, but after that, I make no promises.

Got Milk?

I have to say that in almost all ways, my labor and first 9 days have been pretty idyllic. Yes, we're tired and yes, sometimes when I'm bopping Edie back to sleep in the middle of the night after a feeding, I say to her, "Seriously, PLEASE just close your eyes!" but all in all, things are so much better than I'd predicted. My stitches are finally healing enough so that I can get in and out of chairs without whimpering and I've stopped taking the Percocet without too much discomfort. Edie is adorable and I'm totally in love with our new family dynamic. That said, I'm really struggling with breast feeding. Like REALLY struggling.

Edie's got a fantastic latch and is a great sucker- in fact sometimes it feels like a small tiger is pulling at my nipple instead of a baby, but all the specialists say she's doing great. The problem? I have no milk. Everyone said it would come in around day 3 or 4, but here I am at day 9, and I'm producing virtually nothing. I've talked with the hospital lactation expert, and that phone call ended with me in tears over my guilt at not providing. Per her advice, I'm now on Funagreek, which is an herbal supplement that's supposed to bring milk in, but so far no dice. I'm also pumping after almost every feeding, which is the most defeating experience ever. It's bad enough that the pump hurts, but to sit there feeling like a cow being milked, arms aching after holding up the suction cups for 20 minutes and look down to see that there is literally half a teaspoon of milk in the bottle breaks my spirit a little. I mean, why am I bothering? All this work and I now dread every single feeding. The routine is getting more and more complex; until this afternoon I would "hand express" for a few minutes, then feed on the breast for 20 minutes, then hand her to Jeff quickly who would bottle feed her formula while I hooked myself up to the pump for 20 minutes and tried not to cry from the pain.

I talked to my Mom about it over the weekend and the Mom-Network put in a few calls.The next day, I got a call from a friend of a friend of my Mothers who happens to be a Lactation expert. She took pity on me and came by this afternoon for a complimentary house visit. SO nice. She was much nicer about everything than the woman I'd talked to on the phone last week and was very patient. That said, she weighed Edie before and after my 40 minute feeding and Edie had only gained a half ounce or so. Basically, confirming my self diagnosis - NO MILK. She sold us a device that attaches a big syringe like thing to my shirt, the syringe has a teeny tiny tube that gets taped to my nipple. Then, I feed her at the breast, but she's sucking from the formula syringe/tubing as well as from my breast at the same time. This will hopefully reduce the need to pump and eliminate the need for a bottle. She seemed optimistic that with the Funagreek and this new device, that my supply would increase dramatically. But truthfully, I'm not too hopeful. I'm already thinking of setting a deadline by which if things aren't improving, I give myself a break and just shift to bottle feeding exclusively.

All the "breast is best" stuff out there is just so guilt inducing! It's not as if I don't WANT to breast feed, but Jesus. If my body could hold up a sign to my face saying "THIS ISN'T WORKING" I think it would. I just keep thinking, "*I* wasn't breast fed and I seem to have turned out alright". In fact, my parents repeated this sentiment to me just the other night when I called them all teary about the issue. I just feel so prematurely judged over the whole idea of throwing in the towel. That and of course, I want to give Edie the best shot at a healthy immune system and all that business... My pediatrician was so nice about it this morning. He asked how it was going with the feeding and I immediately teared up. He handed me some tissues and gave me a speech about not listening to all the hulabaloo. Of course breast is first choice, but if it isn't working, it isn't working and that I shouldn't let anything or anyone make me feel guilty. He was so nice and stressed how new mothers are too hard on themselves, which of course made Jeff look at me all "I told you so" because he'd essentially been saying the same thing to me all this time.

Anyways, sorry for the pity party. If you can, please do a milk dance for me. Not sure what this would look like, but I envision it would involve cow costumes and some sort of hopping and chanting. If you don't have a cow costume on hand, you could probably just moo every once in a while during the dance.

I can't believe I forgot to tell you

That someone stole our car from the hospital parking garage while I was giving birth! On discharge day, Jeff went to get the car seat and bring it up to the room... and the car (and our new car seat!) was GONE. Of course we assumed Jeff was just sleep deprived and couldn't find the car, but after going through the entire garage with security, he realized it was true - someone in this world is scummy enough to actually steal a car from the hospital with a car seat in it. Luckily, Jeff's friend Karim and his wife just had a baby last week and he zoomed over to the hospital with his infant car seat to pick us up and take us home. The only problem? Our other car is a truck. Horrible timing, but we had JUST donated Jeff's old car the week prior to Edie's birth in order to consolidate our lives a little. Thankfully, my parents have loaned one of their cars to the cause so that we can shuttle ourselves to the pediatrician appointments, etc...

Just so this post isn't a total downer, here is yet another pic of Edie. This time sporting a hilarious shirt from Aunt Heidi in which a fortune teller predicts her future career.

A few updates

Just thought I'd check in for a moment while Edie stares fixedly at the skylight and Jeff runs to the store to buy embarrassing things like maxi pads and prune juice. Have I mentioned that he's the best?

Anyways, in no particular order, a few updates:

Edie had her first pediatrician appointment last week and all went well. We had a major scare at the start when they weighed her and said she'd lost 2 pounds. Then they left us to wait for the doctor for 30 minutes with that news. I commenced to freak out. Of course the doctor came into the room and acted all jovial, but I cut to the chase. He looked startled and said, "Oh, didn't they come back in and tell you? It turns out our scale is broken!" She had, however dropped one pound, but the doctor didn't seem alarmed. My milk supply has stubbornly refused to come in and the day before our appointment I had just started supplementing with formula to make sure she was getting enough food. Nothing indicated that she was dehydrated or hungry, and with the formula being added to our nursing routine, I'm assuming slash hoping that the weight will pick right back up. Otherwise, she was declared a very healthy baby. We go back on Wednesday for another check up so we'll see what her weight is at that point. My hope is that she'll at least be back up to her birth weight, which is pretty standard.

So far being parents is truly fantastic. I think we both imagined being stressed and angry with each other (perhaps this doesn't come until later, but we expected it right away), but Jeff even declared last night that this is really fun so far. Edie is a great sleeper so far (knocking on wood) and really only cries when she's hungry, which is easy to fix. We get at least two 3-hour chunks of sleep per night between feedings and since I tend to do all the work at night (being the food source), Jeff does all the daytime diaper changes and takes her for a chunk of the afternoon so I can get a good nap in. We feel so lucky that her temperament so far is more like her Father's than mine (aside from the crying when hungry part of course- that's all me).

She loves the football hold and Jeff does it best. When I'm trying to get my boob and boppy ready, he flips her on the side for the footy hold and it's like a switch flips in Edie and she's instantly silent. My arms aren't quite long enough to perfect this move so Jeff has turned out to be the baby-whisperer.
She loves her hands, but we're pretty sure she doesn't realize they're her hands yet. She's always sucking on them and pressing them to her face and since we still haven't gathered the courage to clip her nails, we put mittens on her sometimes and then giggle uncontrollably as she smacks herself n the face with them.
Jeff accidentally discovered that when he's changing Edie's diaper and he strokes the backs of her legs while lifting her rump up a bit, she pees. Even if she's just peed, she'll do it again. It's hilarious (and saves us a diaper change later!). Particularly hilarious was when Jeff was doing this move this morning and she peed all over, missing her diaper altogether. Jeff's response? "Hmm. Edie, I guess we'll just have to keep working on that party trick."

After a week, Edie also seems to have kicked her dependency on being tightly swaddled 24/7, in fact we're worried now that she's getting a bit cocky:

One week ago today

One week ago today, Jeff and I went to Darrah and Matt's wedding.
I was feeling mighty pregnant and consequently, mighty uncomfortable, but I'm SO glad I was able to go. I'm often referred to, half jokingly as "Heart of Stone" by my close friends. This is not because I'm uncaring (I hope) but because it takes a lot to make me cry. But when I saw D walking down the aisle, I started bawling like a baby - or at least like a woman about to have a baby. Of all "the girls" I'm the only one married so this was really the first wedding I've attended where I felt such a connection to the bride. Part of me thinks that my body was just holding on to this baby long enough to attend, because at 2am that night (technically Sunday), my water broke.

I was up to use the bathroom and while standing at the sink, my water broke. It wasn't the dramatic event I'd been expecting, so I just stood there for a moment, confused. I'd honestly started to think I'd be pregnant forever. Then there was another little leak. So I walked back into the bedroom to tell Jeff and while I spoke into the dark, "Um, I think my water just broke." It happened a third time. Nothing major, but unmistakable leaking. Within 10 minutes, I started having contractions. We called the doctor and they asked me to come in. So at 3am or so, we entered triage with our hospital bag and birthing ball in hand. After a quick (and painful) exam, they declared that my water had NOT broken, but they were able to tell that I was having contractions every 5-7 minutes and that the baby sounded healthy. I felt indignant that they doubted my water-breaking story, and I most certainly wasn't buying the version they preferred - that essentially, I'd wet my pants.

So they didn't admit us, and we had to do the walk of shame back to the car, carrying the bag and ball in a much less hopeful manner than we'd left the car. They DID, however send me home with some pH Strips to use on any further fluid I might leak, saying that the strips would turn dark blue if touched to amniotic fluid. They said to call again if my water broke "for real" or when my contractions got stronger.

We got home at 4am and immediately, I found the underwear I'd been wearing when I thought my water had broken and pressed the pH strip against it. It turned dark blue right away. Validated! Still, we went back to bed to relax a bit and waited as my contractions got stronger. By 6am, they were regular enough to start tracking more carefully and by 8am, I was ready to call the hospital again. When I explained the pH strip re-test and told them my contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, they said to come back. I remember saying, "Are you sure? I don't want to get sent home again!" The pain with the contractions was bad at that point, but definitely bearable. But she wanted me back for another check. So back to the hospital we went.

We got there around 9am and being more cautious this time, we left the ball and bag in the car. Triage had us walk for another hour or two, so we paced the halls and limped around the block until noon to keep stimulating contractions. Ironically, the "hugging pose" that we were so bad at during labor class was exactly the right thing during real labor. We'd be walking around with me holding Jeff's elbow, and then I'd feel a contraction mounting. I'd mutter, "Okay, here it comes..." and we would sort of hug, and he would press my face into his chest really hard while I huffed and puffed like crazy. Truthfully, it was exhilarating at this stage. There was a lot of pain, but we were finally doing it! We were having a baby!

At noon, we were officially admitted and things progressed very quickly from there. By 3pm or so, I was 6cm dilated and 100% effaced. The pain was bad, but I was still moving around and breathing through everything pretty well. In fact, it almost seemed too easy compared to the writhing and screaming I'd imagined. But shortly after that, I got nervous about the pain getting worse - our nurse Kirsten said that things were going to start moving faster now that I'd entered active labor and I was worried about waiting too long for an epidural. I think we got the epidural around 3:30 and after that, my contractions got incredibly hard, long and close together. I went from 6 to 9cm dilated in an hour. When the head nurse rushed in at one point to say that she'd been monitoring my contractions from the nurse's station and told Kirsten (my nurse) to turn off the Pitocin, my nurse exclaimed "She's not ON Pitocin - can you believe it?" Apparently my contractions were off the charts in length and coming very close together - it was at that moment that I was so grateful for the epidural I'd had just an hour earlier. I could feel the pressure of the contractions, but not the pain. Unfortunately, a few of the really big contractions started to impact Edie's heart rate and this is when the panic started for me. I went on oxygen to help, and it worked - her heart rate bounced back.

Pushing started within two hours of the epidural and by then the numbness from the epidural had worn off quite a bit and I was able to feel the contractions at what I'd guess was 60% strength and definitely felt the urge to push. I decided not to opt for a "refill" on my epidural so that I could push easier. I pushed for about an hour or so when Edie's heart rate started dipping again with each contraction (one contraction was over 4 minutes long!). I started to panic a bit about the heart rate and you could tell Kirsten was getting uncomfortable too. She called the doctor in who suggested that if we wanted to just get on with things, she could use forceps to pull the head down to crowning, then I could push her the rest of the way out myself. I'd brought the baby way down with my hour of pushing, but this would just ease the stress on the baby by speeding up the whole process. We agreed. So she used forceps (which I'd always pictured as looking like salad tongs with holes in the middle, but actually look like giant shoe horns). She got them around the head and asked me for one push to bring the baby to crown. Except my one push actually pushed her head all the way out, which I think caught everyone off guard, including the doctor. With just one more push, the rest of her came FLYING out. I can't explain how surreal it felt. Jeff, who was focusing (per my request) on my face and not my nether regions couldn't help but gasp and look as she came out. Within seconds she went from flailing hands and legs in between my own legs to being whisked onto my chest where they wiped her down and she commenced screaming bloody murder while staring wide eyed into my eyes. For the second time in 24 hours, self proclaimed Heart of Stone sobbed like a baby.

So there you have it. Edie's birth story. There is of course more and many of you (particularly the ladies out there thinking about babies in the next year or so) would like more specifics, but I think I'd rather save the gory details for another time. Let's just say that they had to stitch me up from here to there because of the tearing, and how no one really tells you how much delivering the placenta hurts and that Percocet and witch hazel have become close friends of mine this week. But given all of that, even the tears I've recently started shedding on occasion over my lack of milk supply? They are all worth being able to look down in my lap right now and see my daughter's chubby face look up at me as she sleeps propped up on her boppy.

And without embarrassing Jeff too much, can I just say that I don't think Edie and I could ask for better? He is the best. To hear him cooing to Edie while he peddles her legs and changes her diapers? Just typing that made me cry a little. Heart of Stone seems to have disappeared along with my ability to poop without massive quantities of stool softeners. Sorry, that was gross. But this post was just getting too sticky sweet. Something had to be done.

Seriously.

Edie's 2nd Day at Home

A fresh batch of photos, including some rare sightings of EDB without her security blanket.

Edie at Home

We know Edie is developing quite a fan club, so here are a few more images from yesterday and today. As you can see, Maurice has gotten over his hyper-territorial nature and decided to take on more of a parental role with his new housemate. Also, on Day 3, Edie made some great progress on overcoming her excessive modesty and spent some quality time on the bed without her ever-present swaddle.

She's here

Edie Bee Culver rolled into our world on Sunday night, August 30th at 7:18pm. Weighing in at 8lbs 2oz, and 20 inches long, she is equal parts adorable and fierce. We just got home today, and will post more details soon. For now, here's a peek at the new member of our family.