Lately, I’ve been made slightly more aware of my cursing habit by pregnancy. Apparently, Bart can hear me now. And while I’m aware that he can’t actually *understand* me, it’s still a reminder that I should probably learn to get my shit – I mean act – together soon. In particular, I tend to curse the most while driving. In my defense, it’s not the scary, road rage type of cursing and there are never hand gestures involved. My car-cursing is more of the super annoyed variety. For example, I really like to mutter “Oh for fucks sake” When someone is driving WAY too slow or when someone doesn’t go and it’s their turn at a 4-way stop.
I also take the lord’s name in vain. I’m not really worried about going to hell, since I’m not such a “believer”, but it's still rather crude. I live a block and a half off of Roosevelt and I work on Eastlake, just north of REI. This means that I have what should be the easiest route to work ever. I literally turn onto Roosevelt and take it all the way through the University district, across the bridge and stay on it when it turns into Eastlake. YET, this drive starts me off super cranky every single morning.
Things that make me say bad words on the way to work:
1. Bikers who want all the privileges of being a car, but none of the restrictions.
2. Drivers who try to pull out on to the University Bridge from the short on-ramp without the appropriate amount of space. Even more annoying – the ones who inch out like they’re going to cut me off, but then chicken out and slam on the breaks. This causes me to slam on the breaks to let them in, then say bad words when they chicken out.
3. Drivers who use the imaginary “right lane” on Eastlake to try and pass me on the right, but then get thwarted by parked cars or the bus (because it is NOT an actual lane a-holes!) and zoom in front of me. I have learned to predict these jerks and I now pull the famous passive-aggressive move of driving just fast enough to not let them pass me.
4. Loading trucks parked in the left lane on Roosevelt near the medical office so that I have to stop behind them and put my signal on and wait 5 minutes for someone to let me in to pass the truck.
5. When a giant Metro bus pulls out into my lane with less than one second of signaling to warn me.
6. When it’s raining and windy and cold and I can’t find a parking space close to my building. Oh wait, that’s EVERY day! Then I say bad words about the company that employs me for charging a ridiculous fee for parking in the garage. Ridiculous, I say!
7. When I spot someone pulling out of a prime parking spot near my office, so I stop and signal and then someone else comes out of nowhere and swerves into MY spot. This happened this morning in the pouring down rain and let me just tell you that Bart or not, some VERY rude words were said about that woman in her stupid SUV. Still hating her.
8. Drivers who don’t stop for the large, clearly marked cross walk by Azteca when pedestrians are waiting to cross the street. Particularly when it’s pouring down rain, which is pretty much always these days.
Wow, typing this list made me super cranky! Also, it was hard to type this and not insert many, many bad words.