On Being Late

This last week or two, I've made an effort to schedule some sort of activity for Edie and I during the day, every day. We haven't really graduated to more than one activity per day, but I find that having one big outing keeps me from feeling stir crazy in the house and also seems to stimulate Edie.

This Monday, we had our pediatrician's appointment and then I took Edie in her Ergo to University Village for some shopping and lunch. I can't remember what we did on Tuesday, but I'm sure it was awesome. Every Wednesday we have First Weeks for 2 hours, and yesterday we went to the Mom's matinee in Bellevue where we saw Love Happens. Today, I went to a breastfeeding group meeting (for women to meet with a lactation expert and problem solve) with the Eedster where she proceeded to poop immediately upon arrival and then pee all over her clothes while I was in the process of trying to put a new diaper on her. After the group, my new friend from the class and I grabbed lunch with our daughters.

For all of these activities my biggest struggle is just getting out of the house. Getting the diaper bag clean, making sure I have bottles and a clean change of clothes for her, finding my cell phone and getting her in the car seat, not to mention making sure that the stroller is in the trunk. All of these things take FOREVER. Yesterday morning I had to get out the door in time to make it to the movie, which started at 10am. This was a Herculean feat. I used to pride myself on getting everywhere on time. I strapped Edie into her car seat at a little after 9am - everything was going pretty well. Then she decided she was starving. And when baby wants a snack, baby gets a snack. And actually, snack is the wrong word because Edie doesn't believe in them. She likes an appetizer, entree, pallet cleanser and dessert. She's a classy lady and she likes a leisurely meal. I started stressing out at the idea of being late, but when I finally got to the ticket booth, the Mom I was meeting was just getting there too and there were at least 10 other strollers in line behind me. Turns out being a Mom = being late.

Dear Edie,

Today you are one month old. Your favorite thing to do is eat, but you also love to slap yourself in the face, take baths, and bounce on the exercise ball. You hate getting dressed, waiting longer than 30 seconds for dinner, and being moved while sleeping. You are turning into quite the bruiser and weighed in at 9lbs and 4oz at your one month check up this week. You'd also grown over 2 inches since birth and are now 22 1/2 inches long (95th percentile! You must take after your Dad). Neither of us were surprised by your growth as you tend to eat at least 5 more ounces of food per day than what our baby book says is average for your size.

I try to spend some time every day with you naked (you are naked, not me) on your blankets (and a towel under your rump) and you stare up at me wide eyed and excited while I peddle your legs and rub you down with lotion. Your Dad likes to spend a few minutes of tummy time with you in the evenings and you are very focused on your blanket while kicking your frog legs and trying to twist your head left and right. I walk you in your Ergo carrier every day (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day) and while you whimper while being strapped in, you always fall asleep within a few blocks of the house, wheezing and snorting to the pattern of my steps. One of my favorite things is when you're soundly sleeping and you take a deep breath and let it out in a big, dramatic sigh.

You've acquired many nicknames from your father, but my favorites are The Moody Burrito (because wrapped in your swaddle, you look like a burrito. And you are moody.) and The Little Beast. He refers to your bassinet as your cage ("I put The Little Beast down in her cage for a nap.") and when you make your hungry faces, he asks you, "Is it feeding time at the Zoo?" We also call you Toots sometimes as you have proven to be a champion farter. You also burp like an old man who just polished off a brewski and very few things crack us up more than when you burp and fart at the same time.

We are both convinced that you are going to be a fiercely independent girl and I've been told by my Mother that the same was obvious of me as a baby. We are anxiously awaiting your first smile and I'm not sure who is more looking forward to you holding your own head up for more than a few seconds at a time - you or us. Sometimes you tire us out with your occasional bed time crying jags, but as I said to your Dad the other night while you were winding up for a cry, "This is hard now, but before we know it, she'll be two and we'll be walking on the beach at Orcas holding hands with her; flipping over rocks to find crabs together."

I remember that the pediatrician at the hospital came to check you out before we could be discharged and bring you home. When we asked her if everything was okay, all she said was, "She's perfect". Maybe she says that to every couple, but it certainly is true with you.

xoxo,

Mom

Behold

The mullet:

And just to be fair to Edie, a more flattering photo of her doing her favorite thing:

We had our first date night since Edie was born tonight. Jeff's aunt and uncle who live in Seattle suggested that they take her for an hour or two so that we could get out and we thought that would be a nice way to celebrate having survived the first month without dropping or starving our daughter. We suited her up and she slept peacefully the entire 30 minute drive to Madison Park (rush hour). I kept thinking, "This is time that she could be napping while at Ted and Carolyn's house!" After reviewing the bottle and diaper situation, we practically jogged for Cactus, the nearby restaurant of choice for date night. It felt SO odd to both be out and know that Edie was with someone else. Truthfully I was more worried about her flipping out and stressing T&C out than I was about them not taking good care of her. We enjoyed a glass of wine each and had a nice dinner with plenty of adult conversation (much of it not even about Edie). It was different from the short solo outings I've had where I leave E with Jeff, this felt like a much bigger deal and by the time it was over I was embarrassingly desperate to see her again. We walked back in the door and she was still sleeping in her car seat! All that worry for nothing as she apparently behaved beautifully. Of course as I type this, she's fussing with Jeff downstairs, so I guess it's all a trade off. I got to have a lovely dinner out, but will likely have a crap night tonight. Oh well, at least I have First Weeks to commiserate with other tired Moms tomorrow. Truthfully though, Edie's sleep schedule has gotten better, or at least slightly more predictable this last week. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or not, but we started giving her Gripe Water around 8pm each night and her night time fussiness has definitely decreased and getting her to sleep is much less of a production.

Alright, off to relieve Jeff and take my shift with the exercise ball.

Hi Zipper, long time no see

I love shopping. It's such a cliche, but I do. Aside from the accidental glimpse of my underwear-clad behind in the changing mirror and parting with my money at check-out, I love everything else about shopping. Shopping while pregnant was pretty fun when I was 5 and 6 months pregnant and had a cute baby bump, but around 7 months, things got way less entertaining. Suddenly, I was completely limited to one or two stores and PS why are almost all maternity clothes these days in solid colors? It's like they think that pregnant women have no interest in patterns (or fabrics other than jersey for that matter). I more or less stopped shopping and started sporting the yes-I've-worn-this-outfit-everyday-this-week-what-are-you-looking-at? look.

All of this is to say that today, I went shopping. Jeff and I made a plan for today that he would take Edie from 10:30-2:30 and I would take her from 2:30-6:30. At first, I thought about hanging around the house and cleaning, but it suddenly dawned on me that I was desperate to not wear my elastic waist jeans. I wanted REAL jeans. And yes, I have about 5 pairs of super cute (and not cheap) pre-pregnancy jeans, but dude, those jeans are not fitting any day this week and how long post-pregnancy is it appropriate to only wear elastic waist pants? I decided to invest in one or two nice pairs of pants that make me feel human again until I can squeeze myself back into my old pants.

Hanyvays. Today, I went to the mall and I wandered through all the old shops that I used to like to go to and I tried on my first pair of pants with zippers and buttons in about 8 months. Maybe 9. And while I am not terribly in love with my current size, it felt GOOD. My friend Heidi joined me for moral support and we even had time for a grown-up lunch in a restaurant where I ate with two hands and didn't feel panicked about eating as fast as possible in case Edie started crying midway through and I had to go 2 more hours before eating the other half.

And perhaps the best part of my 4 hour hiatus from full-time Motherhood? I actually had time to miss Edie. I walked back in the front door at 2:30 and haven't really taken my eyes off her since.

The letter you've been waiting 30 years to receive

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for not leaving me on a church doorstep when I was screaming for 3 hour straight as a newborn, thank you for rocking me until your arms hurt (and then some), thank you for probably falling asleep in a seated position on the couch instead of horizontal in the bed because that's where *I* fell asleep on your chest and you couldn't bear to wake me for fear that I would never fall back asleep again, and thank you for getting up in the middle of the night, over and over, to feed me, change me and shush me.

love,

Jill

SAHM

Being a stay at home Mom, even just temporarily, is such a shift. The neighborhood is so quiet when I walk with Edie in her Ergo two or three times a day. Except of course when we pass one of the two neighborhood coffee shops, which are exploding with other parents and their kids. I've started viewing the day in 2-3 hour chunks. This chunk, we'll walk and nap, then the next one we'll feed and fuss, then the next one we'll go to Mom's group... etc... basically trying to keep her from screaming until Jeff comes home to relieve me for a bit.

Today, Edie is pretending to be the perfect baby and I'm learning to just enjoy these moments rather than hope that she's establishing some sort of pattern. Two nights ago, she literally woke up every single hour on the hour from midnight to 6am to eat and cry. And after eating at 6am, she just decided to wake up for the day rather than go back down for another snooze. It was exhausting. I almost didn't go to my Mom's group again out of fatigue, but Jeff (like last week) encouraged me to go. And again, I'm glad I went.

It was almost an entirely new group of Moms from last week, but one of the two women I talked with the previous week was there and we sat together. Her daughter is only a week older than E, so we compared benchmarks and chatted a bit. This week, at least 2 other women talked about their low milk supply and issues with breastfeeding. I've definitely chilled out quite a bit about this issue, but it was still so nice to hear that I wasn't the only one with the same issues. After the class I asked one of the women for her info and told her that if she wanted to get together or talk ever, to call. She actually already emailed me and a few other women from the group and it looks like we're getting together to walk around Greenlake tomorrow morning. I'm also talking to the other two women from last week about going to a Mom's movie matinee thing next week. It's nice to have activities with other Moms to fill the days.

Perhaps the best discovery from the group yesterday though was that Edie LOVES to bounce with me on the exercise ball (they have a slew of baby gear at the meeting for any of the Mom's to use, including exercise balls, boppies, etc). Last night, I had Jeff blow the ball up that we used during labor and it's working like a charm today. Every time E gets fussy, I hold her and bounce vigorously on the ball and she calms right down. Much better than the rocking chair and less exhausting than pacing the hallway. Last week, she loved radio static, but this week appears to be all about the exercise ball.

After her hellish night two nights ago, I was bracing myself last night for another rough one. But instead Edie fell asleep at 11:30pm and didn't wake up again until 3:20. And even then, she just took a bottle and fell back asleep after 10 minutes of bouncing on the ball with me. We curled back up for another snooze and she didn't wake again until 7am. And as if that wasn't enough of a treat, she literally hasn't cried once today (yet). We walked up to the video store together this morning and I rented Sunshine Cleaning (loved). We watched the first 30 minutes together while I bounced on the ball (she was still strapped into the Ergo) and I was actually able to eat a snack. Then the next 30 minutes were spent quietly breastfeeding and after that she passed-out on my chest all cute and cuddly while I finished the movie. Last week she hated snuggling on my chest, but this week, she's all about it.

I'm learning that every day is very different from the previous. There are no patterns yet and I'm getting better at rolling with that. I'm fully aware that her charming behavior today probably predicts a hellish night tonight, but instead of dreading that, I'm just appreciating the peace I have right now as she snorts, grunts and farts in her sleep right next to me with the laptop. I'm already looking forward to her waking up soon so I can breastfeed for a bit, top her off with a bottle and then plop her back in the Ergo to return the movie and maybe stop into one of the nearby coffee shops for a cookie to eat on the walk back home. Maybe I'll reread this post at 3am tonight when she's wailing and decides to hate the exercise ball...

Wednesday, September I Don't Know What

We've switched our schedule around so that Jeff can get some actual work done which means I'm almost a full time Mom solo-style - hence the shorter, less thoughtful post.

Conversations over the last 24 hours:

#1
Me: This fucking Boppy is too big for me to use on the couch!
Jeff: Hm
Me: At what point do you think I should stop swearing in front of our child?
Jeff: Probably right before she starts repeating it back to you.
Me: So I've got a little longer?

#2
In which I catch Jeff rubbing Edie's belly in a very weird, light, but vigorous fashion while she stares at him confusedly
Me: What are you doing??
Jeff: I figure if I can't get her to be happy, I'll can at least keep her confused until she figures out how to be better behaved.